Cesar’s Palace

My dog hates children. Their loud cries, sudden moves and strange, short figures freak her out. She will happily lie on her back and beg to have her belly rubbed for any adult human, and she’ll tolerate most dogs -- as long as they stay away from her food, property, toys and those people rubbing her belly -- but the sight of a child brings out the meanest growling chow you’ve ever seen. It’s like watching the Incredible Hulk transform.

I’m convinced that if she gets to know one child, she’ll get over her fear of little people. Sadly, I’ve been unable to find a parent willing to sacrifice a kid to my experiment. I thought all hope would be lost for Sadie once my friends -- or God forbid, I -- started having kids, but then I heard that the Dog Whisperer himself is coming to Colorado. That’s right: Today, Cesar Millan, the Dr. Phil for dogs, will be in Aspen, wowing audiences with his uncanny doggy communication and rehabilitation skills while raising money for the Friends of the Aspen Animal Shelter’s spay/neuter campaign — and I’ve got three chances to track him down. First, Millan will be at a luncheon with 100 VIPs at the Cheryl and Sam Wyly Aspen Animal Shelter (tickets are $250; call 1-970-927-1771 or e-mail cesarevent@dogsapsen.com for yours.) Then he’ll be at the Aspen District Theater for a 6 p.m. lecture, demonstration and Q&A (tickets are $50 to $150; call 1-970-920-5770 or visit www.aspenshowtickets.com). Finally, he’ll join twenty people for a dinner so exclusive, the price and location are not being made public. Call 1-970-927-1771 for details.
Thu., July 10, 6 p.m., 2008